I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
