i was born a porn star she said
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
