Got a toothbrush?
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
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