Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
