good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
there is glitter all over my balls
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
