Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
vagina is talking i cant
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
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