recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
