somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
