She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
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Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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