someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
