i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
