and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
