Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
