He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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