Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
