Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
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