about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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