She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Randomize
