Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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