My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
