I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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