He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
i will never coherently bang her
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
