How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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