My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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