I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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