It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
