Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I have post one night stand depression
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
