is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
We don't watch enough power rangers
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
why is half of my head shaved?
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