nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
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Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
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he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?