Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question