matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.