I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Randomize
