Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
