Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
