I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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