I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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