He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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