woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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