anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
