Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
