I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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