we have officially lost it.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
