This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
