Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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