I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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