24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
