38 yer olds are good kisserssss
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
