I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
vagina is talking i cant
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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