i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
