I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
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