Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
