i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
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