So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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