used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
