i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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