I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
