I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Randomize
