my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
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