I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Randomize
