I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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