this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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