Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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