never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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