Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
