you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
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Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
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It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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