Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
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I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
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Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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