Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Randomize
