you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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