i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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