Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
