You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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