Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
