and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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