dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
