I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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