I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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