I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
