There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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